little pieces.

By anna |

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

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Saturday, the Friends of the Library held a giant book sale right down the street from my house. I heard I could get a ton of books there for on the cheap, so I felt inclined to check it out.

I ended up getting about 14 books for less than $10 -- including VERY recent textbooks. I felt accomplished.

For $7.50, I bought hundreds of dollars worth of books, hours of enjoyment, and a little piece of my childhood.

I'd been scouring the racks for about 20 minutes, indecisive about what books I wanted to put in my bag until I decided to hit the kids section. I looked and found a few books that I'd always wanted, but then something caught my eye.

It was very old, and very dusty, but the orange cover caught my eye.

On the bottom shelf sat a set of books from 1954 -- One called "The Story Hour" and one called "Parade of Stories." Their tales and illustrations were so old-fashioned and saccharine it was almost sickening, but I couldn't NOT take these books home. Why?

My dad had these books when he was a child.
Then my brother and I had them.
Now my children (if and when they decide to show up) will have them.

Ever since 2005, I've been trying to piece my life back together-- collecting things that maybe I once had as a child -- and i don't know why? maybe it's because i really do miss my parents. i miss them being together. i miss the things my brother and i had. the r2-d2 simon game, all our board games, my beautiful custom-made barbies, the Russian porcelain doll my grandmother gave me when i was three and obsessed with Russia-- all of it, gone. sold, tossed out, given away. and i know it's selfish and pointless to try and get anything back, when i really should move on, but it's nice to have at least one thing from my childhood back.

if you could go back, would you?

i'm not trying to go back, recreate or relive my childhood. personally, there are some things i'd rather leave out. bad things.

i'm 20 years old now. i have to move on from this. it's kinda pathetic, really.
but at the same time, allow me to have a few things left over from when i was little.

because really-- these things are the only little bit of "home" i have left.
and home is where your heart is, right?
my heart always was in the books.

the life of a server;

By anna |

Monday, February 15, 2010

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You know you're a server when.....

1. You know that "in the weeds" is NOT a camping term.
2. You cant decide who you hate more: kids, old people, teenagers, or foreigners
3. You're pissed if you got a $10 tip on a $60 check.
4. You can figure out 20% like nobodys business.
5. You heavily debate putting on a gratuity for a big party. And may call in a second opinion to evaluate the table.
6. You're familiar with the signature cocktail: water with lemon.
7. You don't have any idea what the special is and could care less.
8. When you go out to eat, you over analyze everything your server does. And even if they screw up you still tip at least 20%.
9. You hang out at the server table.
10. You know about all your co-workers sex lives and drug habits. And you participate in one or the other; or both!
11. You know what the most dreaded side work is and how to avoid getting stuck with it.
12. Same goes for the death section.
13. You understand the importance of booths.
14. You know that an over cooked steak is the worst re-cook ever.
15. You want to kill the kitchen when they have 30 minute ticket times.
16. You will take the long way around just to avoid your table.
17. You hate making desserts.
18. You get weeded waiting forever for the bar to pour you a freakin beer.
19. You live out of your car.
20. You always have cash on you, yet you're always broke.
21. Your cash is usually still in your book days after you worked.
22. You know who sells the good drugs.
23. You never know what happened to the wine key.
24. You become a nocturnal creature.
25. Everybody on a Sunday AM shift has a hangover.
26. The busser is never around when you need him.
27. Getting cut does not equal getting out.
28. You need a manager card to wipe your ass!
29. A mess up is always appreciated by the starving servers...
30. And you're all like a bunch of vultures when it happens!
31. When in doubt-you go with medium.
32. You use the term 86 in regular conversation. Yet you have no idea where it came from.

technical difficulties.

By anna |

Sunday, November 29, 2009

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It's been well over two months since I updated my blog, and I feel like I owe yall an explanation.

Rewind to September 17-- I moved out of Indiana and back to Virginia. Why? I felt ready to come home. I was doing fine, but was really homesick, so I packed up and headed back home. So far, so good.

Second week of October-- my laptop's power cord snaps in two. i am without a computer for nearly a month.

I got my laptop back up and running about two weeks ago, but neglected my blog because i've barely been home at all. between going out with friends (and other things which we'll touch on later) i've had a crazy life.

so let me fill you folks in--

i'm seeing someone. he's absolutely INCREDIBLE. his name is tim. we went to high school together and he's in the army reserves. so far this is quite possibly the most "normal" relationship i've ever been in.

school took a nosedive. the powers that be took away my financial aid, so basically my loans are about to go into repayment, and i'm getting ass-reamed by the government. so my plan is to beat them at their own game. how, you ask?

i've decided that since work and school are not panning out in my favor anywhere i go (i.e. i can't afford to pay for school by working alone) that my best course of action is to join the military. don't tell my ex, i'm sure he'll think it's a great big f*** you to him.

i have red hair now.

i have three birds and two dogs.

life. is. good.

:)

self absorbed?

By anna |

Saturday, September 12, 2009

comments

ever heard the phrase "I'm not a bitch, I just don't like you?"

I'm the opposite.

"It's not that I don't like you, I'm just a bitch."

Lately that's been brought to my attention. Most of the time, I don't have a problem with listening to my friends if they need someone to talk to. But please, for the love of God, don't come to me every ten minutes with your problems. It's annoying, and I have much more important things to worry about.

You're 20 years old, learn to grow up and DEAL with shit the best way you can.

I'm sorry you're having problems with your stepdad.
I'm sorry your boyfriend of all of two months broke up with you.
I'm sorry your cousin is having problems, but really, what does any of this have to do with me?

Whining about your problems to other people and Myspace and Facebook is so childish. I'd expect that sort of thing from my cousin, and it's okay because she's thirteen.

I'll never name names, but I will say that it's not cool that you push your problems on other people.

You can call me self-absorbed all you want, but it's really no skin off my nose. I honestly don't give a shit what you have to say about me. If you want to know who's the real self-absorbed one here, look in a mirror.

pressing RESET on life.

By anna |

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

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as you may recall from earlier posts -- WAY earlier -- like, February-ish.... I moved to Indiana because things had gone south. I don't mean south for the winter, I mean they took a freaking wrong turn at Albuquerque and ran for the border.

The goal was to be here for no more than six months, and then be moved out on my own and have a steady job. Now, that didn't go exactly as planned, but I feel like I'm ready to start acting like a grownup and be focused on school, work, and trying to find a place.

knowing that i'm notorious for inadvertently sabotaging myself, i have to acknowledge a few things that tend to get in my way:

1. guys. this is the #1 cause of death in my plans and wishes. i get so sidetracked by guy problems that it snowballs. we've all seen the tragic end to that story, but there's a flipside to this. the wind of one door slamming opens another. i can try and kick down the door, or i can walk through the open one. breaking the door down is too messy. splinters all around.

i learned from my mistakes, and i'll be damned if i ever put myself in that position again.

2. ambition. madonna had blonde ambition, i have blind ambition. ...meaning i want to do big things, but have little to no sense of direction. FORTUNATELY for me, i have a wonderful network of people who are helping point me in the right direction, and medicine to help me steer. the problem there is that i have a bad tendency to go into shutdown mode and push everyone away when they're only trying to help.

if i pushed you away, i'm sorry. and i hope you know that i'm a damn fool.

3. laziness. let's face it. when i get tired, i sleep. and when i sleep, i hibernate. letting the bovine comparisons end here (shut up, i get it), i get lazy now and again. and a lot of it is from sleep deprivation, i grant you, but majority of it is just a sheer lack of motivation. i need a fire lit under my fanny to get moving, and that's not very grownup of me at all. so this is the point where i need to get moving, whether i like it or not. it comes down to one thing: responsibility. i'm a flighty, irresponsible teenager still, but i'm about to NOT be a teenager. after a while you have to learn to leave those tendencies behind and just....

grow up.

on the contrapositive... (i do love that word) i have a lot of good qualities going for me.

1. i'm "whip-smart" as various family members have described it.
2. i'm pretty tenacious when it comes to being defiant, and this is certainly the biggest act of defiance i may ever commit.
3. i have a passion for medicine. no matter what it is, if it deals in the medical field, i love it.
4. i'm personable and witty and have impeccable bedside manner. nuff said.
5. i believe i can do this.

if those five qualities don't qualify me for doing big things, then drag me out behind the toolshed and put me out of my misery.



on another note, someone asked what my favorite number was.
(it was one of MANY random questions.)
my LUCKY number is 2
my favorite number is Pi

why Pi?
because Pi is infinitely baffling. we still haven't found the end of Pi, and I don't believe we ever will. I can relate to that. You can look and dig as far as you like, but you'll never find exactly where I end at.


so that's the extent of my nonexistent mathematical genius.


funny how that picture of Pi ends in 1989. did you know that you can search (yes, there's a search engine that does this) and find the position of your birthday in Pi?

pretty awesome.


until next time,
Anna.





ps-- we're coming up on 100 posts!

a surgical nightmare.

By anna |

Monday, August 31, 2009

comments

i've been having crazy vivid dreams again.

two nights ago i had one that almost perfectly mirrored the episode of Grey's Anatomy with the bomb-- you know which one I'm talking about. The dude has live unexploded ammunition lodged in his chest, and Meredith's keeping it from going off. There, you're up to speed now.

In my dream, I'm in Meredith's place. I have my hand on the bomb, and I'm standing completely still. I'm bawling. After having my hand in the dude's chest for what feels like forever, Dr. Bailey tells me to NOT move my hand, and what do I do? I take my hand out and RUN FOR IT. I keep running, still in my blue scrubs and surgical cap and all, out of Seattle Grace, except we're not at Seattle Grace. When I run outside, I realize I'm in Greenbrier, and it's the dead of night.

I run about half a block until I find the Walmart, where I find my two aunts standing in the checkout line. They ask why I'm there, when I should be at work. I tell them I'm on my break. Then they ask why I'm crying. I say it's because I'm having a hard day, and I realize i AM supposed to be at work.

I start running back toward the hospital, back to the OR. I get lost in the hospital and stumble upon a gym that has a basketball court in it. People are playing, including Alex Karev. I want to tell him to get out because there's a BOMB in the building, but Alex can't hear me. Then two women, who look oddly like Sheryl Crow and Janis Joplin, take me back into a very secluded, closed off section of the hospital. They say "You need to see this." We climb up to the top of this ladder to reach a little hidey-hole that would probably SMUSH me if i tried to fit in. They both light cigarettes and Sheryl Crow says "This is where Jimi Hendrix died." I'm confused, because I know this isn't true.

I climb back down and start heading back toward the OR. I go past an Olympic-sized pool that's perfectly still. Everything is darkly lit with faint blue light. Children are still in Pediatrics, and I'm trying to get them out. They can't hear me. I head back to the OR, scrub in, and put my hand back on the bomb and slowly pull it out, handing it over to the bomb-squad guy.

By this point, I know what happens. I make a run for it and dive headfirst into the pool.

When i hit water, I woke up.


Pretty freaky! Did someone spike my Sierra Mist lastnight?

What's that all mean? I did a bazillion searches on dream interpretation to try and piece it all together, and the result was pretty appropriate.





Hospital
To see or dream that you are in a hospital, symbolizes your need to heal or improve your physical or mental heath. You need to get back to the flow of everyday life. Alternatively, it suggests that you are giving up control of your own body or that you are afraid of losing control of your body.


Doctor
To dream that you are a doctor, suggests that there is some problem that you need to patch up or some emotional wound that you need to bandage up. You are being supportive to others.

Operation
To dream that you are operating on someone, indicates that you are facing some deep issues or dealing with your repressed thoughts.

Bomb
To see a bomb in your dream, indicates that you may be going through a potentially explosive and trying situation in your waking life. The bomb could represent repressed desires and unexpressed emotions that are likely to explode or burst if not dealt with soon. It could be something within yourself, such as the desire to explode with anger over an issue that's affecting you.

Running
To dream that you are running away from someone, indicates an issue that you are trying to avoid. You are not taking or accepting responsibility for your actions. In particular, if you are running from an attacker or any danger, then it suggests that you are not facing and confronting your fears

Night
To have a dream that takes place at night, represents some major setbacks and obstacles in achieving your goals. There are some issues in your life that you are facing, but are not too clear. You should put the issues aside so you can clear your head and come back to it later. Alternatively, night may be synonymous with death, rebirth, reflection, and new beginnings

Market
To dream that you are in a market, represents some emotional of physical need that you are currently lacking in your life. You may be in need of nurturance and some fulfillment. Consider the specific items that you are shopping for. Alternatively, the market signifies frugality.

Aunt
To see your aunt in your dream, represents family characteristics and values. It is a connection to your own heritage. The aunt may also represent aspects of yourself that you like or dislike. She can also be seen as a substitute mother.

Basketball
To see a basketball in your dream, suggests that you need to make the first move. You also need to concentrate and be more focused in your goals.

Pool
To see a pool of water in your dream, indicates that you need to understand and deal with your emotions. You need to dive right in. Alternatively, a pool may indicate your need for cleansing. You need to wash away the past.

Climb
To dream that you are climbing up something (ladder, rope, etc.), signifies that you are trying to or you have overcome a great struggle. It also suggests that your goals are finally within reach. Climbing also means that you have risen to a level of prominence within the social or economic sphere.

Smoking
To dream that you are smoking, indicates that you are trying to shield yourself and others against your emotions. You have trouble letting others in.

Fame
To see famous people in your dream, signifies an increase to your prosperity and honor.

Dead
To see the dead in your dream, forewarns that you are being influenced by negative people and are hanging around the wrong crowd. You may suffer material loss. This dream may also be a way for you to resolve your feelings with those who have passed on. If you dream of a person who has died a long time ago, then it suggests that a current situation or relationship in you life resembles the quality of that deceased person. The dream may depict how you need to let this situation or relationship die and end it.

Children
To save a child, signifies your attempts to save a part of yourself from being destroyed. If you dream that you are separated from your children, then it symbolizes failure in some personal endeavor or a setback in some ideal you had.

Explosion
To hear the sound of a loud explosion, but you did not see it, signifies that your troubles will soon be replaced with tranquility after you have overcome some small obstacle.

Swimming
To dream that you are swimming underwater, suggests that you are completely submerged in your own feelings. You are forcing yourself to deal with your emotional difficulties.



So that's it, really. I pieced it together as best as I could, and the result I came up with was pretty appropriate. I'm having a hard time dealing with things, and it's going to come to a head very soon. I woke up thinking a bomb was going off.

Bear in mind that i HAVE been watching a lot of Grey's lately, and I've been contemplating a career in medicine. Maybe this is my mind trying to tell me "You're scared of this."

Who knows?
Until next time,
dream on.

-anna-

where did it all go?

By anna |

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

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it's been five years since i first set foot in high school. which is to say, i was a freshman in 2004. in the five years since then, i can't help but wonder where all the time has gone. here i am in college, working on psychology & humanities classes, and i'm just thinking... my goodness.

how can five years change someone so much?

2004-2005: i was slightly punked out (as in, i had a deep love for the clash and the sex pistols, which is more than i can say for half of the kids who claimed they were "punk rock" and only listened to avril lavigne. ha.), and i loved theatre. music was my life. i was borderline emo, but thankfully grew out of that phase.

2005-2006: the descent into madness. when Mean Girls came out, every girl wanted to be plastic. For my sophomore year, I was. I was a horrible person. I was briefly a cheerleader (my cheering days were brought to an end because we couldn't afford cheercamp) but the mentality stuck. But then I moved. Things changed a little. And I got smart. I joined the academic team, which brings me to..

2006-2007: the messy year. junior year got messy. i was working, doing gymnastics and academic team, and things were falling to pieces. i was depressed, partly due to the fact that i'd been in and out of relationships, and i'd been sleeping with the captain of the academic team, which was basically pure turmoil in and of itself. however, i ended the year as best as i could.

2007-2008: the start of my senior year was perfection. everything was in place. i had everything down. i was set to go to johnson and wales. and then i was plucked out of school and flung back to suffolk. that was when i lost it. i picked up a waitressing job in a bar and was taking care of my grandma more than i was taking care of myself. i got worn down and dropped out. i got my GED three months later and started college that summer.

i regret it. i regret moving away, and i regret dropping out. i don't regret getting my ged and starting college, because i wouldn't be where i am today.

so, have i changed? of course.
i'm less with the "ooh, look at me, i'm emo" and more with the "let's just live life the best we can" ideologies. i've grown since then.

and i wouldn't trade it for the world.

paint it, black...

By anna |

Saturday, August 8, 2009

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i remember the first time i ever heard Paint It, Black -- one of my favorite songs of all time. I was six years old, I was in the car at night with my mom and brother, and we were riding around Battlefield Blvd in Chesapeake.

For what reason, I don't know, but I do remember being very scared for some reason, and I remember a hospital.

For those of you unfamiliar with the 757, Battlefield Blvd is where Chesapeake General Hospital is. It's where I had surgery, where my brother was born, etc, etc. Big medical district. Anyways.. maybe i was at the doctor, but that wouldn't make sense because it was at night.

Back to the music...

I remember my mom changing it to The Fox, which still is and always will be my favorite radio station (it's like an institution in the 757), and they played Paint It Black.

I was six, and that voice stuck with me. I remember being half-terrified, half-fascinated. From that moment, I associated the song with anything medical.

Crazy, right?



and there is NO denying, the man's still got it. i do love me some mick jagger.

re: pancaking...

By anna | 0 comments

“It is difficult suddenly to put aside a long-standing love; it is difficult, but somehow you must do it.” - Catullus

this says it all:

temporary, insanity.

By anna |

Saturday, August 1, 2009

0 comments

i came to indiana six months ago, trying to make a change. i think i've made that change.

i was told that the goal was to be here for roughly six months.

six months later, i'm ready to go home. why? because it's time to grow up. i'm not going to get anywhere by staying with my parents or my grandma. i have got to jump into the water headfirst, even though i'm terrified of swimming underwater (no, really, i am).

it's not running from my problems. it's growing up.

and the rain rain rain came down down down...

By anna |

Thursday, July 30, 2009

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to christen the new layout (what's this, the fifth one? i may settle. this one goes with it very well.) i thought "Hmmm, maybe you should post something."

Good call, self!

Thursday evening... doing jack squat... should be working on the two gigantic papers due this weekend... opting instead for Grey's Anatomy.... craving Vivanno smoothie (they rock... Starbucks, I've endorsed you MANY a time, where's my freebies?!)

At least I'm doing something productive: Laundry.

Watching it try to storm outside. It's a-storming.

Tweeting.

thumbing through a sparknotes literature book.

oh, MEANINGFUL stuff! yes, another good call, self. what would i do without you? tee hee.



November, November...
To keep it short, I'm going home.
I think I'm ready. And I need this.

More on this later.
I'm too busy staring at the rain, waiting for my pantalones to dry.

Cheerio!

what would you do without water?

By anna |

Sunday, July 26, 2009

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Water is something that we take for granted. We drink it, bathe in it, use it to cook our food, play in it, and it all boils down to one thing (pun intended): Water is THE very element and essence of our lives.

But what happens when you take that essence away?

You may not want to think about it, but for millions of African children, this is something that they live with, not just think about.

I don't usually do this on my blog, but I think this needs to be broadcast for all to see.

PLEASE donate what you can to Aquathon 2009 -- google it, they're totally legit!

Aquathon 2009 is raising money to drill wells in Sub-Saharan Africa. This way, we can bring fresh, clean water to children, and thus give them a better life.

Would you want to bathe in dirty water? How about drink it?

Every day, children all over Africa have to endure this hardship.


I'm not usually one to get things like this out in the open, but I can't sit on the sidelines and do NOTHING. Same goes for you.


Follow on twitter:

twitter.com/orchesis
twitter.com/kirstiealley (she's the nice lady helping run this show-- you may have heard of her!)
twitter.com/aquathon

Go DONATE NOW at www.aquathon2009.blogspot.com
it doesn't have to be a huge donation-- just what you can-- but if you can, donate big!


thanks, loves!

a separate peace.

By anna |

Thursday, July 23, 2009

0 comments

it's pretty comforting to know that after nearly three years, we can finally be in the same place at the same time and not tear each other to pieces. people don't put us together anymore. i'm glad you found what you were looking for.

all i wanted was for you to be happy.
i got my wish.

i've let go.
that doesn't mean i've forgotten you -- that'd be impossible -- but i can sleep at night knowing you're doing okay.
i don't have to worry about waking up one day and hearing the worst.
i said you were going to be okay, and you are.
that's all i could've ever asked for.

if you need me, you don't need to look very far.
i'm always around.


love, me.

twenty five things you probably didn't know about me...

By anna | 0 comments

remember how everyone was doing these a couple months back?
i'm bringing it back, because i came to the realization i didn't have one on my blog.
also because it's 3:23 AM and the caffeine hasn't worn off yet.

1. i've never played the Wii before. go ahead, cry for me. i had a stingy boyfriend. boo.
2. i drink pickle juice from the jar.
   
3. i can't stand anything orange-flavored. I like oranges, orange juice (not sunny d... EW!), and that's it. jello, tang, kool-aid.. forget it.
4. i broke my tailbone when i was waiting tables. the cooks decided not to tell me they were deckbrushing, and i slipped and fell, landing on my ass.
5. i have a ridiculous obsession with ghostbusters, in case you didn't know.
6. the only two things i brag about are the fact that i was on scholastic bowl (i was captain, before i moved) and that i am an amazing cook.
   
7. while we're talking about food, i make the world's best pancakes.
8. i have an aversion to banana peppers. if i even get a whiff of them, i get sick.
9. when i was in kindergarten/first grade, my aunts used to sit me on a barstool after school and get me to sing alanis morrisette.
10. though i don't really like to, i can sing in the whistle register. it hurts my voice. a lot.
    
11. i learned french by listening to my grandmother and french music.
12. the day i make a quick decision will be the day pigs fly.
13. i'm bad about returning library books. really bad.
14. given my intake of soda, i should weigh about 800 lbs.
15. i got kicked out of class on the first day of kindergarten for being sassy. guess it stuck.
16. i tell my mom again and again i am NEVER having kids just so she won't be on my back about things, but i think she's finally catching on that this is a lie.
17. i'm always exhausted in december. ALWAYS.
18. people used to say i'd be a great model. i can't walk in heels.
19. i frequently speak in metaphors.
20. i don't believe in coincidence. i believe that when God wants us to do something, he'll let us know, and he'll put the right people around us.
21. you wouldn't think so from first looks, but i am a christian girl.
    
22. i've been fascinated with tornadoes since i was little.
23. i'm pigeon toed. my feet curve in slightly when i walk.
24. i'm allergic to raspberries.
    
25. as an alternative to self-harm, i color my hair when i feel depressed. i have been through just about every hair color there is. black/purple, 9th grade. bright red, 10th grade. blonde, 10th grade. black, 11th grade. honey blonde, 11th/12th grade. my high school career can be measured in bottles of hair dye.
    

she said i think i'll go to boston...

By anna |

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

0 comments

this was taken directly from a message written to a friend of mine.



the backstory is that i had been discussing college with some friends, and how i've been contemplating several different career choices. back in high school, i had wanted to go to med school, but i THOUGHT i had screwed the pooch, and that it was too late for me to even think about applying for Pre-Med. Then i realized something-- I'm not even 20 yet.. of course it's not too late!

that brings me to what happened lastnight. i was listening to a podcast on my ipod about med school and what you need and what you should do to prepare for it, and i was looking at different schools (UVA, Sweet Briar), but then on a whim I started googling colleges in -- you guessed it -- boston.

i picked up my ipod to turn it up some, but the very second i clicked on Boston University School of medicine, it slipped out of my hand and shuffled it. Guess what it landed on--

Gurl Grope.


Needless to say, I freaked out! Of the 1400 songs on my ipod, it shuffled and landed on yours. And one of my favorites, no less.


I don't really know what to make of that, but I'm not the kind of person who chalks things up to coincidence. '

I believe that coincidence is two people showing up to wherever wearing a red shirt and blue jeans. Coincidence is people having the same birthday.

Everything happens for a reason. When you put together the past six or seven months of my life, it all makes sense. he left me, i left home, came here as a sort of stepping stone to wherever i wanted to go next, and then the game changed. i didn't count on you, but in the past 5 months, i think you're the one person that's had the most impact and influence in my life, and that's a really good thing. You talked me into going to chicago -- granted i overdrew my bank account and owed my parents a lot of money afterward-- but the experience changed my life. if you hadn't talked me into going, i would've sat at home as usual and let that chance slide by. so here's another opportunity presenting itself, and part of me is screaming "YOU ARE A MORON! MED SCHOOL?! WHAT?!" but the other part is whispering "You got this."

Maybe I'm supposed to do this.

OK, Pai Mei ----- here i come.


....she said i think i'll go to boston....

the recipe for a WONDERFUL weekend!

By anna |

Friday, July 17, 2009

0 comments

1400 word paper on Psychology and Health Problems.

must analyze and summarize the Multi-Factorial Model and how it relates to the diagnosis of illnesses.

then i have to select two health problems discussed in the text and explain what role psychology has played in understanding and managing these illnesses.


WACKY!

that said, i need some good thinking/writing music.

at the moment i'm cranking out The Climb, of all songs... god help me...

but this is a good time to make a playlist consisting of Bright Eyes, Bon Iver, Belle & Sebastian, Neutral Milk Hotel, Mae, Say Anything, basically the ENTIRE juno soundtrack, Joshua Radin, Rufus Wainwright, Damien Rice, Iron and Wine, Postal Service, Death Cab for Cutie and my PERSONAL favorite....


Halston!


BEAUTIFUL!


and to top it off i have to work (not too fussed about it, really)
and clean my room (might fuss about that a little)


i need a latte.
skinny. soy milk. om nom nom.
i am JONESING for a fix!!!!!!!

and i'll probably watch twilight while i write... it's good for your soul!

coffee.... great music.... psychology homework.... pizza.... TWILIGHT!...

this is the recipe for a great weekend, yo!


so for the next two days, i am going to try and make myself as scarce as possible.

--which means carlos might catch a break. MIGHT!--

(in all honesty, he needs it. i've driven him straight up the walls. time for me to dial it back some. hi carlos! i'm sorry i drove you bonkers!)


if i finish the paper before the 11th hour, i'll finish my book!
(i'm smack in the middle of american psycho.)

and then i'll work on my songs!
YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!



Have a good weekend, everyone!

A bientot!

dear michael jackson;

By anna |

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

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you were the biggest superstar in all the world.
tonight, you are the brightest star in all the sky.
shine on, MJ. shine on.

help me believe in anything;

By anna |

Monday, July 6, 2009

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atheism....


this is not something i generally talk about in this here blog, but i feel it's something i need to address.


alright, most of you know I am in fact a Christian and that I plan on attending Liberty University. It may surprise you that I am not like many Christians, however.

If you choose not to believe in God, or believe in any higher power, for that matter, then you obviously have a good reason to do so, and who am I to judge you for your beliefs? Who am I to try and say "You're on the path that leads straight to Hell!" I cannot stand in front of someone and condemn them for believing in something that I don't believe in, or the lack of belief at all.

I've said it once, I'll say it again:

"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."
- Mahatma Gandhi

No truer words were ever spoken. Christians, what have we done to ourselves? We have spent so long doing things in His name, that we've damaged our own name.

These are some of the things I cannot stand:

-Westboro Baptist Church: How on earth do you know that God hates these so-called "fags?" Do you have any idea how many wonderful homosexual people there are in this world? I have never met a gay person I didn't love. They are no different than you and me. We are all humans, and it is my belief that God created us in His image, whether that image is white, black, red, yellow, straight, gay, ANYTHING. That's what's so great about God, is that he created us all differently, yet in His own image--- if God TRULY hated "fags" (and I do apologize for using that word, it hurts me deeply to even think of such a word), He would not have created anyone in that way.

-Becky Fischer: Don't get me wrong -- I think it is a WONDERFUL thing to create excitement in children and let them form a strong relationship with Christ on their own -- But I believe that there is a certain limit to how much pressure you put on children to attain a personal relationship with Jesus. It has to come naturally. Jesus Camp was a very eye-opening film. It was frightening, stark, and beautiful -- seeing children passionate about something, anything at all (anything other than video games and cell phones!) warms my heart. But there is a caveat to this heartwarming passion, and that is the ridiculousness of praying over objects and an effigy of George W. Bush (sorry if that sounds personal, I just don't like the man, but that's your choice).

-Osama Bin Laden: You all knew this was coming. Oh, Sama. I don't doubt that you are a good leader. you can motivate throngs of people to get behind an idea and propel said idea into motion--- so was Adolf Hitler, in the same capacity. Every "villain" thinks he is right, but you, sir, may be someone that we as Americans and Christians would do well to tune in and listen to. There is something wrong with this country, and you know that. While I certainly don't agree with your purposes, your unholy war, and the spilling of American blood at the hands of you and the people you influence, I do believe that we could all learn something by listening to you rather than turning a deaf ear and a blind eye.



so, back to atheism:

(this is my blogworld, you just live in it. i can skip around if i want.)

atheists:

it is not my place to judge you. therefore, i won't. i have no right to do so. if it is your decision to not believe in God or Allah or Buddha or what on earth have you, then it is your decision! please, go into this world with your head held high, a smile on your face and a song in your heart, because you are equal to me, she, him, her, and all the rest of us. you are no less, be you atheist, homosexual, handicapped, mentally ill, anything.... you are no less than me, and i am no more than you.


peace and love,

anna

history repeats?

By anna |

Thursday, July 2, 2009

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is it just me, or is my life like a broken record? it feels like i am stuck in this odd time warp. summer of 09 is mirroring summer of 2006 in nearly EVERY way possible.

let's begin with my housing situation:

three years ago, me, my mom, and her now-fiance had just moved to Virginia Beach. it was just the three of us (for a while, until my brother came to stay with us... hoping that part repeats itself!), sharing a 2 bedroom, one bathroom apartment. upstairs, by the way. oddly enough, my room was set up quite similarly then.

work:

summer 2006 was the first summer i was eligible to work, as i was 16. i started out working odd jobs, then eventually found my niche in -- no surprise here -- Michaels. but i worked in two different restaurants that summer.

i've already had one job here in Indiana, but had to leave due to my hours taking a HUGE cut. now I work at pizza hut, and i'm trying to get a second job at another restaurant.

similar, but not totally identical.


now for my love life... this is where it gets interesting:

may 06 saw my first long-term relationship -- i.e, one lasting six months more. ours ended at just about six months, sadly, but nonetheless, it happened. all relationships aside, i had been flirting HARDCORE with someone older than me.

these days, the only thing different is that i have recently ENDED a long term relationship, and i've been flirting here and there with someone older than me. that's the relationship i want more than anything. it's the be-all-and-end-all.

socially, i was hanging with people that could pull me in one of two directions: either make me or break me.

physically, i was out of shape.... what else is new?

mentally, i was not doing too well! the latter part of my summer, i only slept with the help of sominex... not exactly good pills! it got bad. but the good news is that it got better.

also, a quick side note, a little parallel i'd like to point out:
three years ago, i saw a news story
this one: http://tinyurl.com/lrmedd

...and my heart sank. i had never thought of another person i'd never met before in such a way, not like "OMG I LOVE YOU" but more like "wow... i'm really pulling for you..." until this point.

three years later, he's one of my newest, closest friends :)

ain't social networking great?!


so there you have it.
2009.... it might be a repeat of 2006, but is that really such a bad thing?

the embers never fade in your city by the lake;

By anna |

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

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As most of you know by now, I recently took a little trip a few hours north to a little town in the Midwest known as the one and only Chicago, Illinois.

Let me just begin by saying that this experience changed my life.


It began about two weeks ago, when I found out that American Idol auditions were being held in Chicago on June 22nd. Naturally, I boiled over with excitement, but there were a few people who were less than excited. So I put it off and said "I'll wait until next year." But I felt stupid sitting around watching an open shot pass me by. With a little coercion from friends, family and fans (haha) and a swift kick in the pants from my So-Called Sensei, as it were, I decided to book a hotel room, hopped a Greyhound to Illinois on Saturday night and never looked back.


Amid my immense stress and wracked nerves, and given the fact that it was finals week, and I had to work, I did not sleep for two days leading up to the trip.

Once I got to Chicago at around 530 in the morning, I was as lost as the Oceanic Six. I spent Sunday morning toddling around, searching hither and yon for United Center, which I finally found. I was able to get my wristband and ticket for Monday's auditions, and then decided to make my way back to the hotel, which was roughly 10 miles from United Center.

Unfortunately, check-in time wasn't until 3pm. I still had some time to kill, so I decided to have breakfast at a little hole-in-the-wall diner on the corner of Chicago and Milwaukee called the Windy City Cafe. Scrumdiddlyumptious pancakes, by the way. The people were incredibly friendly!

After I got done with breakfast, I scurried off to find the Blue Line yet again. I called the hotel and asked if they had any rooms available, and sure enough, one had become available, even though I had made a reservation. It was bigger than the room I had reserved, but what did I care?! I was tired and hot and wanted to take a shower and a nap.... which I did!

Upon checking in, the first thing I did was take a bubble bath (and I did take the hotel soap with me.... come on, you know I'm from Tidewater!). Then I ended up passing out for a lovely eight hours of sleep on the GINORMOUS fluffy bed!

When I woke up, I decided to take off, find some dinner, do some sightseeing, and putter around town. I rode the train as far as it would carry me, then had to do a little shopping (I needed a bus pass!). While walking around, I met Lisa and her daughter Irene, who clued me in to the paintings on the sidewalk. Lisa and I share a birthday (I found this out because I asked about the scorpion tattoo on her back.), which is pretty neat!

All around Chicago, there are symbolic spray paintings on the sidewalk that are pieces of a puzzle. Evidently no one's figured it out yet. One looks like a Transformer.

When I hopped back on the bus, I rode down to Navy Pier. Pictures were taken, but my camera began to die, and my charger was in Indiana! OOPS! Anyhow, I rode the Ferris Wheel (mainly so I could take more pictures of Lake Michigan!), walked around the gardens, did some light shopping, bought myself a snowglobe... a requirement for every city I visit... and then got back on the bus, heading to nowhere in particular.


I had every intention of stopping at the Chicago Theatre, since I'm obsessed with the movie Chicago. This did not happen, once the bus stopped at Michigan Avenue. No, sir, I hopped off the bus right there. I didn't know it until I was halfway down it, but I was on the Magnificent Mile, and OMG magnificent it is!!!!!!!! It has every shop and store I could have ever dreamed of... Ghirardelli, Borders, American Girl, Russian Pointe Dance Boutique, Saks, Neiman Marcus, i mean EVERYTHING i could ever imagine was there. It was like someone had taken everything I love, laid it out on one street, and lit it up. It was perfect.

When I started to get hungry, I stumbled into a little place called Chipotle.
Most of you have had Chipotle, or know what it is. I didn't.
I was pleasantly surprised. Mexican food is pretty much my favorite, and this hit the spot.

After dinner, I stopped at the store to get some hair dye, then headed back to the Red Line so I could connect with the Blue Line back to Cumberland (the hotel). Division Street... better known as BAR ROW... has a BAR CHICAGO! WTF!!?!?!?>!?!?!? I felt like I was back at home! Bar Norfolk, Bar Chicago, bar where else?!??! It was great. The best moment of walking down Division was passing by a bar that had a bubble machine in its upper window. Bubbles FILLED the street, like something out of a dream.


Once back at the hotel, I dyed my hair (this was because I noticed my roots looked HORRIBLE), watched Dark Knight, and attempted to sleep.

I was woken up around 230 by text messages from friends and family wishing me luck.

Knowing I wasn't going to be able to sleep anymore, I put on msnbc, ironed my hair, put on my makeup, and began packing.

I left the hotel around 4, at the same time as two other hopefuls, Candace and Robert. We rode back to United Center (although getting delayed because we got off one stop too soon!), where we waited in the rain for roughly two hours before getting into the venue.

While waiting outside, I made a few friends. Katy and Catrina from Sheboygan Falls, and Carla from Joliet. We got to talking, and since our names all started with the "KA" sound, we began calling ourselves "KAPOWER!"

From there, it was BONKERS.

Being in section 305, i was in the NOSEBLEEDS, but i could see everything going on below me. The entire crowd sang Hot & Cold (a song I never EVER want to hear again) at least 300 times, and we waited until 4pm for our turn to audition.

When 4pm rolled around, I was dying of anxiety and thirst. but there I stood, ready to sing, and sing I did. Instead of singing Augustana, I decided to stick with The Eagles, belting out Take It To The Limit, and absolutely NAILING the high notes.

Unfortunately, none of the people in my group made it, not even Kapower.

I was told by the producer, "You have an amazing voice, but the bar is set incredibly high this season, and I'm afraid there's just not any room. Please do try out again soon."

I'm not surprised, but not bitter at all.

After leaving United Center, I walked onto Madison Avenue into some UNGODLY heat. I hopped on the bus heading for downtown, and saw I had two hours to kill. I used those hours to visit the tippy top of Sears Tower, which was an INCREDIBLE sight. There's pictures...




at about 530, it was time to head back to the greyhound station. my bus left at 7, and I arrived back in Indianapolis at about 1130 pm.

this trip changed my life. i needed this trip.

I've realized that I want a musical career on my own terms, and be free to make my own music. I don't want to be 19 Entertainment's puppet.

Also, it's helped me to become a stronger, more independent person. if I can survive two days in one of the nation's largest cities on my own, then i can do just about anything.

this was an experience that i needed to have, and i'm glad i had it.
thanks to everyone who put me in this place, believed in me, and got me to the point i'm at today.

love yall!






....next stop, Boston? New York City?